we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
