That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
