So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
