no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
