garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
