I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
