Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
