She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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