i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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