honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
