By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
