she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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