I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
