I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize