I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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