Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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