So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
