just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
