im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
