I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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