I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
