he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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