i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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