I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
