it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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