Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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