the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
