We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
