Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
