Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
