I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
