I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
