No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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