u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
