sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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