Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
