Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i will never coherently bang her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He shit in the fireplace
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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