Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
