she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
