I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
