I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
