but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
