well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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