I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
