ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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