Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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