I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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