Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
