Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
