Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
