so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
