my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
