I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
