There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
