Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
