im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have fence marks all over my body
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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