I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
