If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
